random-on-average blog

And I've moved again.

My first blog was Xanga... had a few accounts 'cos I kept wanting to start anew.

Moved to LiveJournal,

Then back to Xanga again.


Moved back to LiveJournal,

Not to Xanga this time, but to Blogspot.

http://always-offline.blogspot.com

... is in four days time.

But my family and I celebrated it today.

I went to the dentist and got my retainers. Woohoo. It's like wearing braces again -.-

At night, my mom and I went shopping. She bought me a shirt. The brand is called "Junk Food" haha. It has the words ACDC on it. Not a band t-shirt, but it's a tribute.

Then we went to Shogun. It's a Japanese restaurant - buffet style. I ate A LOT. Sooo stuffed. It costs about RM 60 per person.

After dinner, my brother and I went to DC comics shop. They don't sell comics, but they sell... clothes! My brother bought me a batman logo t-shirt :-) It costs RM 69. I love it 'cos I love batman! I'm definitely wearing that shirt tomorrow.

This is weird.

Ok so my new boyfriend is Kenneth Chan.
I don't really know what to say in this blog actually... it's all too weird for me.
Maybe next time, folks.

ooh I want this.

CLICK HERE TO GET IT FOR ME!




Can't wait till it comes out... I hope I pass my exams or else I won't be able to watch it :'-(

Ok... so what is new. It's been a long-assed time since I last updated.

1. I took off my braces!

Sexy smile now.



Jk :-p No one actually noticed... even my best friend! I had to tell her I took off my braces... then she kept looking at my teeth until I got embarrassed.

2. My brother is very nice to me

... but sometimes he likes to tease me.

I wanted to take a photo with him since we don't do that often enough... my brother agreed to and he made this:



(That was LOUSY!)
Then I had my revenge...



Hehe.

3. I ace at driving.

I would show you a picture of my lucky pillow. Yes... my lucky pillow of driving. I MUST sit on that pillow when I drive. Firstly, I'm short... I can't see without that pillow! Secondly, it's good luck... not a single accident since sitting on it!

4. I love Navi!

Actually, I'm just running out of things to say...

5. I'm worried about the results...

They're coming out next Friday. Wish me luck, folks.

If I were to go to a counsellor now for help, I imagine it would go something along the lines of:

Counsellor (C); Faye (F)

C: Hello! How are you?

F: Oh boy. Not this question... uhm... Not well.

C: Would you like to talk about it?

F: <thinks: duh... why do you think I came here?>
Yea... it's what people would consider usual stress. But I don't think I'm very good at dealing with my emotions.
<thinks: Oh shit... I hope that doesn't mean I'm emo.>

C: So that's why you're here. To learn how to deal with your emotions.

F: Exactly. Sometimes I think I have the same emotions as other people but magnified by 3 fold. And it's a vicious cycle because I tend to avoid my problems, making them worse. Conciously I know it's stupid to avoid the problem... but I just can't seem to do it. My mom tells me to "just do it", but I "just can't do it"! It's frustrating.

C: Mmn.... <nods head> Go on...

F: And it's worse how everyone has these expectations of me. It's either extremely high or extremely low. Those whom I care about, seem to expect a lot... even the teachers think I'm smart but extremely lazy. They make that pretty clear... I'm afraid to disappoint. Not just them, but me. I'm afraid to try and then just prove that my best isn't good enough.

C: Mmn... <nods head> This kind of thinking is quite common.

F: <thinks: yes I know... but like I said... I find it difficult to deal with!>
Yea... but like I said... I'm afraid to try. I think I know myself best, so what everybody thinks of me isn't quite correct.

Recently, I did put in some effort. And what was bad about it was that my fears came true. I kept getting bad grades constantly when I put effort in my work! At first it felt like an insult. I just couldn't imagine failing because of my own fault, so I blamed it on the markers. I still think it's just my bad luck getting tough markers, but I've partially accepted that I'm just ... incompetent. I'm a failure. Makes me want to shrivel up and die.

C: <thinks: empty threat> Don't say things like that. You keep thinking negatively, so you start to believe it and actually do badly.

F: Yes, I'm a pessimist. But I doubt that's gonna change any time soon. The older I get, the more pessimistic I become. The only thing that holds me together is the thought of leaving my family behind. They did so much for me and I have so much to give back. I can't die now because they'd lose so much... what I haven't given back. What I wanted to and more.

C: You must love your family very much.

F: <thinks: didn't I just say that -.-> Yes I do. They mean everything to me. And it's even harder since they're not here with me. I don't want to grow up. Part of me wants to be independent and supportive, the other part just wants to be a kid forever. I love the way things were a year ago... why can't they stay that way? I wish I died then. I would have died happy. I can't see any happiness in my future.

C: <thinks: gosh she's insane. Better give her pills> Here. Have these... anti-depression pills.

F: Thanks. <Takes whole bottle and dies>



Hehe. That's silly. I just got bored at the end, and hence the terrible ending.

Alan says:
i think u r the only one in llb who hasn't started revising
nothing to be proud of

For some strange reason, I am proud of it.

An update on the countdown!

Presentations: 1
Assignments: 2
Exams: 5

I've done very badly on all my assignments so far, so I have to do well in the exams. Talk about pressure.

I wonder how my brother's dealing with the stress. It was quite unbelievable at A-levels. Probably worse than now. May the force be with him! (Funny how I'm quoting star wars when I've been watching star trek all week...)